We discuss … BTS, Roxanne Pallett and Jim and Janine

The girls When I first heard the rise of BTS in South Korea, I was baffled. An unassuming band of teenage girl singers, they barely made a splash overseas, and their debut album, I…

We discuss … BTS, Roxanne Pallett and Jim and Janine

The girls

When I first heard the rise of BTS in South Korea, I was baffled. An unassuming band of teenage girl singers, they barely made a splash overseas, and their debut album, I Am, sold a paltry 5,000 copies. What, exactly, do they do that all the other boy bands don’t?

But since they signed a record deal with Big Hit in 2017, things have changed. In 2018, they nabbed themselves their own TV show, which recently made global headlines when its stars got down and dirty for the cameras in the middle of a fierce choreography challenge.

BTS have gone from gross ingrates to a new level of pop glory. They have also caught the eye of the ladies of Hollywood. They are in talks to make a cameo in Ocean’s 8, and rumours abound that an American film remake of One Night at McCool’s might be in the offing. I have a song in my head about this. It’s not for anybody, I’m afraid.

China

It’s been a rough week for the FA Cup. Nobody – not even Arsenal fan Dave Jones – quite knows what to make of the lacklustre cup runs of Chelsea and Manchester United. While many saw it as the starting point of yet another Premier League realignment into a Champions League-lite, Stoke City’s supporters can comfortably rationalise their side losing out to West Ham in the fourth round by pointing out that they’re facing the likes of Dwight Yorke, Marouane Chamakh and Winston Reid.

But that’s nothing compared to the livid pitch invasion during Liverpool’s cruelly anticlimactic defeat in Russia. Tickets were sold out for the match in only 48 hours, and thousands managed to invade the pitch to celebrate their team’s success and lash out in frustration.

It’s still heartening to see that their fans are as irrepressible as ever, even at the cost of perhaps one or two hearts. That fire you see in those faces in Brazil is pure ecstasy.

Roxanne Pallett

Roxanne Pallett has not impressed us this week. The former Emmerdale and Celebrity Big Brother star was supposed to present TV show Celebrity Juice at some point during the show’s 14th series. Her appearance was always in doubt, however, because she has allegedly been hacked and seen as a drug-addled nasty girl who makes people like Ant and Dec look like saintly virtue-signalling saints by comparison.

She has been ordered to meet with police and her lawyers, and viewers have been left wondering what to make of this rather alarming person. Is it possible that she actually thinks a slap will cure her of drug abuse? Is it possible that she feels that she deserves to be looked at as a boorish creep?

Who, pray tell, has hired her? When (if ever) she is required to apply for a job of some sort, she may need a crib sheet of answers.

Jim and Janine

Everyone remembers Jim Davidson, aka Fat Jack, the man for whom the phrase “ladette” originates. (The Sunday Times has a useful guide to the facts here). After all, he is responsible for some truly hilarious bits of comedy, such as “fat women farting in their hotels” and “see him singing up the scale at 90p a litre”.

But now it seems he is embarking on a new career as a Scouse tranny. And it’s all because of his knickers.

His wife of 40 years, Janine, 60, came home recently and found her husband at home with another woman. Quite what’s the deal with the weird cheerleader bun? But did this discovery inform his comedy? Didn’t we mention that he now goes by the name Janine Hubbard?

Jim and Janine are, I suppose, a creative expression of what it means to be a gay man in a straight world. And why wouldn’t they explore that idea – especially now that Neil Morrissey is giving us the best version of themselves since Good Morning, Vietnam.

Not sure how much of this follows a pattern I’ve established so far. But the big question is: why’s a bloke in a rugby kit telling us things that are basically gibberish?

– Lily Allen

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